It's a blue week....but all ends well still....

It’s been quite a while since I last have any entry in my blog. Laziness that set in? Or maybe I have been busy recently as well? Hmm…

It has been a tiring and busy week for me. Everything doesn’t seem right at work. There seems to be so many deadlines which I need to meet. However, I don’t seem to be productive. Furthermore, it didn’t help that I was emotionally affected. I’m starting to doubt if this is the job for me. It has been 3 months since I started working in this current company. But I do not seem to be enjoying my working days here. Money is definitely not a motivating factor for me. It has only been 3 months but I sometimes dread to even go to work. All these do not seem very healthy. Unhappiness level seems to be getting higher each time. Unhappy over what I’m doing, unhappy with the working environment, unhappy that I’m not learning much, unhappy feeling incompetent… Are all these reasons sufficient for me to move on? That I really do not know. About one month back I had all these thoughts and I told myself to give it say 3-6 months so that I do justice before I judge that this is not for me. Ok… right now 3 months is up. Question is whether I should hang on to another 3 more months before I decide? I really dunno. Work is kinda of piling up and I do feel the responsibility to stay on. Also, on the other hand, I do not really have a clear idea of what I want to move to for my next job if I decide to leave. As it is, at least I know I will not choose to leave without a job.

I was so unhappy and felt so lousy after work on Wednesday. I was talking to dear dear on my mobile when I was on the way home. Dear dear has also been unhappy over work and feeling lousy. Timing just wasn’t right. I was feeling so lousy that I started tearing on the bus. At that point of time, I just couldn’t stop my tears. PMS may also be the culprit. But whatever the factors that attribute was not important. All I knew was that I was feeling really lousy. I couldn’t care less even if people around me on the bus were watching me. When I alighted the bus, I couldn’t control my tears anymore and I just cried. I recalled that a couple of years back, I also cried on the bus. That was when my grandmother passed away. That may not be the only time that I ever cried on the bus but maybe that was one that I have deeper impression on. I also kinda of miss my good friend as he is overseas and I can’t just pick up the phone and call him.

In any case, all are over. Both dear dear and me have talked about it. I think dear dear is right. We should start making plans so that we have a goal we can both work towards... Next week will be a better week... =)