Somehow when dear dear has sent me home on Saturday, I didn't want him to leave. hmm... is it because this week I didn't really get to meet him for the whole week thus just wanna spend more time with him? I am just being "yang orh"? I just miss him and wanna spend more time with him? hmm...I'm not sure also but just hug him and can't bear to let go...However, I also "struggle in my mind that I should let him go back early and rest as he played majong the previous night, thus had very little sleep". Knowing that he will be sleepy and it will be dangerous for him to drive. After dear dear left I can't help but feel a bit sad but yet worried.
I went to take my shower. After my shower, I checked my mobile but there was no message from dear dear yet. Went to check the last call before he drove off. hmm... It's been close to half an hour. Can't help feeling worried but thought maybe sms him might distract him also. So, I choose to wait for a while more. hmm... this was when my mind started to run wild. I dunno why but I had that kind of fear of losing dear dear. Thought of mummy and fear that I will lose dear dear and felt bad for not letting him go off earlier on. Those were really scary thoughts. It was only when dear dear message me then I felt more relieved. But somehow I still feel rather down. I dun really know why also. Guess I was thinking too much also. Maybe it was like last time, dear dear also ever told me of his fear that he will lose me before we were together. I'm not sure if it is the same kind of feeling but whatever it is the thought is really scary.....the thought of losing your love ones...
hmm... I teared a bit again after I chatted with dear dear. Afterwhich, I fell asleep. Next day, I did not seem to feel very much better too. Was rather not my usual self the whole day. Still feeling a bit down. Kinda of missed mummy in the afternoon when I was watching tv too. Dear dear on off kept asking if I am all right and I kept telling him that I was ok though I was not very much usual self. I was rather low on energy. Not at all like the usual little girl when I was with dear dear also. It was only when he sent me home and when we were at the car park. Dear dear hug me and I could not control my tears anymore. But guess I do feel better after that....
Anyway, it is a brand new week. I shall put this all behind.....Just like the impression I gave Ivan when he was telling me just now over msn that I am a cheerful gal. Cindy is back again! =)
No comments:
Post a Comment